Good Morning Florida Keys – the Keys Disease



Click this – Today’s FlaKey Drivel – for today’s ranting on just about any and every thing, and what I dreamed, meanwhile . . .

This is not me next below, but it might be a reasonable facimile of how some or even many people view me.

For people not yet familiar with the Florida Keys, depending on your outlook, they are insanity’s or sanity’s last stand in America, maybe in the world — maybe even in the Universe! You’ll have to come here, though, to understand that and maybe start feeling better about yourself. But perhaps reading some of the daily FlaKey Drivels on who knows what will help get your feet a little wet with my Muse here just below. Might help to keep ever in mind, though, that not everything in the Keys is necessarily what it appears to be.

When I started up this website in the fall 2007, with the indispensable help of the notorious “Capt. Conch” of, I perhaps didn’t realize why. But life zigged and zagged along, and, well, you can get a glimpse of that in my grumblings and horsings around in the Archives in the menu to the right. Take plenty of food and water; it will take you while to read it all. Or, to get a sneak preview, open and read some or all of the other pages pages in the menu. Then call the folks with the funny looking coats and butterfly nets to come get you for reading it!

Some of my other alleged alter egos


You may now be starting to see what folks around these parts have come to appreciate, some more kindly than others, that there’s just no telling what might up and jump out of my pen, er, laptop. Or out of my mouth. Just no telling. Meaning, I do not view life, running for public office, or whatever else heaven gives me to do as a beauty or popularity contest. I sometimes go way out of my way to piss people off. I sometimes don’t get invited out much for social events. I sometimes write about people who invite me out. I often write about elected officials, politicians, developers, lawyers, journalists and who and whatever else crosses my path. I claim angels tell me in dreams what to write about, or else. Most people don’t seem to believe me. They would if they lived in my skin, but since they don’t, I suppose they should be darn glad.


Meanwhile, anyone gawking at the pretty nature pictures just above might still wish to keep ever in mind that nothing in the Keys is entirely what it appears to be. Our coastal waters often are contaminated with human fecal matter. The only living reef in the continental United States is dying as a result of that and probably other factors. The cost of living here is beyond belief. Good for you if you hanker to live down here, not good for us who do live here, our real estate market is still plummeting like a stone following Hurricane Wilma’s waltz through the Keys in the fall of 2005.


Wilma pays Key West a brief but memorable visit

Wilma’s fast-creeping high tide flooded the lower level of thousands of Keys homes and killed probably 30,000, maybe even more, motorized vehicles and no telling how many bicycles, baby strollers, skate boards, lawn mowers, weed whackers, TV sets, stoves, refrigerators, dishwashers and air conditioning units, not to mention providing a landfill of ruined sheet rock, plaster, wiring, plumbing and furniture, and dead trees and shrubs that took contract haulers months to pick up and take out of the Keys to wherever they dispose of such things out of our sight and mind.


Our county and city governments are candidates for bankruptcy court and/or the Saturday morning cartoons. We have, not necessarily totally unrelated, if you are into symbolism, a staphylococcus pandemic, MRSA it’s generally called. (See “MRSA cure” page in the menu for treatment method. Not a joke, this a survival kit.) We have more booze and narcotic consumption, and maybe more churches, and almost certainly more homeless people per capita, again not necessarily unrelated, than any place you are ever likely to find in America. Despite mucho spraying, we usually have a healthy population of starving mosquitoes during the warmer months, and now some of them critters carry dengue fever, which you never hear about either in Tourist Development Council advertisements. The TDC doesn’t tell you about our MRSA pandemic, either. The warmer months (think May into early November, to be historically comprehensive) are when hurricanes sometimes come calling. Yet we call it Paradise and view it as a nation unto itself.


Old Seven Mile Bridge (left) and the remains of old Bahia Honda Bridge (right), where the trestle was added onto the railway bed for motorized vehicle traffic. A beautiful state park, Bahia Honda, lies a few miles below Seven Mile Bridge, just above Big Pine Key. The left-hand photo at the very top of this page is a later version of Seven Mile Bride, and the right-hand photo at the top is another view of the old Bahia Honda Bridge. God’s country, if ever it was.


In late 2000, on the last leg of my move from Maui to Key West on a Greyhound bus (don’t get me started on that wacko story), I personally relocated the Mason-Dixon line to the center of the modern Seven Mile Bridge. The original bridge built by Henry Flagler for his Overseas Railroad a generation before I was born (I’m 68, I think), was one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World. Or should have been, if it wasn’t so classified. After the Category 5 Labor Day Hurricane of ’35 wrecked some of the bridges again, the railroad was discontinued. Then, the only way into the Keys was by swimming alligator, crocodile and shark-infested waters, boats and airplanes, until new bridges were built and the Florida Keys entered the modern era, so to speak. In one of my prior lives, I drove a few times over those narrow two-lane bridges, with traffic whizzing 60 m.p.h. both ways — real exciting moment, meeting an 18-wheeler coming the other way at a mile a minute. Today, parts of the remaining, amazing, picturesque old bridges are used for walking, bicycling and fishing. Other parts are closed off and sometimes get used or blown up in movies. And sometimes, it’s said, people get hanged off the old bridges, maybe politicians sometimes.

Which all brings me to yet another reason for this hugely uncommercial website. No, not the lovely pirate wench somewhere up above, who, along with her siren friends, already picked your pockets cleaner than a whistle with you all the unwiser. This howling at the moon and stars has turned out to be some sort of off-beat rag newspaper or book, or, as some say, rumor mill or daily news from the state mental, none of which is copyrighted, all of which is freely usable by anyone who reads it – but it is asked that it be used in context, which I realize may or may not happen. As should anyone who uses it out of context have realized by now, if I learn of it, they just might find themselves howling keel-hauled through the next Today’s FlaKey Drivel missive.

If, after gandering this webtoon, er, page you still feel adventuresome, you might wish to check out the horny soap opera not necessarily related to, in the Big Pine Key: Heart of the Resistance file in the menu on the right-hand side of this here homepage. It contains posts selected from the Today’s FlaKey Drivel file that are particularly related to Big Pine Key and its nearby environs. That’s why I keep providing the indigenous weblink: I sometimes live on Little Torch Key, the next Key down US 1 from Big Pine. If ever there was a redneck section of the Keys, this are it.


Big Pine Key natives watching the invasive species come ashore

Even lawyers pretending to be humans are tolerated in the Keys – professional curtesy.


Sloan Bashinsky, ex-lawyer, local runaway and otherwise dubious character


past-life photo (2006)

later incarnation, 2011, due to clean living (no sex, no loving, no boozing) for far too long to suit me, so I regrew the beard hoping for a different outcome, LOL so far…

Meanwhile …

After some months of (my home town) being up and running, this comment came in, which was caught by my spam filter:

“It’s a good shame you don’t contain a give money press button! I’d definitely give money for this fantastic web page! That i think in the meantime i’ll be satisfied with bookmarking together with putting an individual’s Feed that will my best Msn balance. That i appearance ahead that will recent messages and definitely will promote the web site utilizing my best Facebook or twitter team.”

To which I replied:

“Well, if you feel overwhelmed to give me money, my snail mail address is Sloan Bashinsky, 1031 Grand Street, Little Torch Key, Florida 33042. I would be pleased to accept cash (US preferred, but probably can make do with Canadian and Euros through local banker buddy), personal or corporate check, money orders (US Postal work best), Western Union wire transfer, and, if you are so inclined, I can provide bank wire transfer info. If you still are holding Confederate currency and want to get rid of it, I have some friends from one of my prior lives who’d love to have it, maybe even pay me something for it.”

Now that my mind’s on this topic, gold and silver, platinum, pearls, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, saphires, and kindred precious might work pretty good, too.

Suddenly converted back to piracy, I was compelled to add that lusty news to the two Keys websites.

You can contact me at

For something just as or maybe more weird, click on this link:

19 Responses to Good Morning Florida Keys – the Keys Disease

  1. Pingback: Good Morning Key West » Blog Archive » Horny Devil In State Mental Needs Help

  2. ngahick says:

    I have thought of you often…and especially at this time.

    I have followed the story of Major with heartfelt interest and thank you for having John Erbele contact me with the latest…so sad.

    I enjoy “GOOD MORNING KEY WEST”, photos and writings.
    Esp. the past life photo with you wearing the shirt I gave you !

    My prayers for you and Majors family(ies).

    God Bless You, amigo, Davis

  3. dp says:

    Dear Sloan,
    I find your writings very interesting as well as your beleifs . . .I was once on that path, but somehow got lost and found myself in the maze that I exsist in now. I am a legal assistant and wished that I lived and worked in Florida, but the pay is not good. Take care!!

  4. starbadger says:

    You are so BattleStar Galactica?

    Did you do any writing on that series. I have just discovered you.

    My Battlestar is a Morgan 36′ with the Swin platform mod.

    Currently @Tarpon Springs going South.

    I think our connection is “Wild Bees”

    Battle Star Galatica question: No, I didn’t write on that series, but every now and then I mention Star Trek. I’m a landlubber surrounded by water.

  5. yankeegal65 says:

    This female wants to learn to garden and fish a bit ……………..Sheila

  6. Sloan says:

    In the Garden of Eden sense, most all that I am moved to write is about gardening. Ditto in the soul fishing sense. Please don’t haul out your cast iron skillet to bonk me on the head with it for acting as if I don’t get your drift. There are people who read what I post, who don’t see the same words can have two different meanings entirely. It’s getting warm now in the Keys, and will get warmer, and buggier, as we move into summer. Then comes the threat of hurricanes. All part and parcel of the soul soup served up by the Keys.

    I relocated the Mason-Dixon Line to the center of Seven Mile Bridge, just below Marathon, when I arrived on a grey dog in the Keys to live, apparently, in late December 2000. Meaning, everyone one living above that bridge over incredibly beautiful water is a Yankee fer as I’m concerned. I got to know a couple of Yankee girls pretty well once upon a time, one a at time — Ohio, then Indiana. Turned me everywhich away but loose, they did, with plenty of help from the Board of Directors. We did lots of gardening and fishing, but not the kind I used to do when I practiced law in Alabama, back in one of my earlier lives. Been hoping to find a lady, even a Yankee lady, who likes to garden and fish both ways.

  7. yankeegal65 says:

    I’m surprised you haven’t had a dream concerning the loomimg disaster of the BP oil spill, for me, this is beyond evil and can never be undone, what shall we do to save all the wildife……… and fishing Lady…

    Hi, sfkats, aka, gardening and fishing lady. I got a very, very different take day before yesterday on the Gulf oil spill, which take further evolved yesterday and ended up being the intro for today’s (2 May) “Sunday Homily” post to the Today’s FlaKey Drivel page. Have to close out this comment and go copy it off that post and then paste it in here. Back soon. Sloan

    Okay, I’m back. Here’s the lead from today’s post:

    “This being Sunday, it seems the Board of Directors want me to publish another homily of sorts.

    “Perhaps a good place to start is with the devastating effect the recent oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico has had on Big Oil and his whores in Washington, Tallahassee and other Gulf states’ plans to “Drill, Baby, Drill,” as as Alaska’s and the Republicans’ Big Oil Queen Whore Sarah Palin chants. Now President Obama and Governor Christ have shit all over their faces, and guess who put it there? You’ll probably never figure it out, so I’ll tell you: God put it there. This was a rigged oil spill. Rigged by angels, in a desperate attempt to get EVERYBODY’S FUCKING ATTENTION!!!”

    Yeah, pretty radical. Sometimes God’s creatures sacricifice themselves to try to reach other of God’s creatures.

    I was stunned when President Obama went for Gulf Oil drilling. He got his comeuppance back real quick, and then, to prove he learned nothing, he talked about only using the lastest, safest equipment and methods to drill in our oceans. Grabbed Florida’s pro-drilling Gov. Crist by the short hairs, too, and unlike Pres. DEMONcrat, Crist was singing an entirely different tune after he actually went out and saw the oil slick.

    I told a RepubliKLAN friend yesterday that I can’t wait to see what happens when the RepublKLANS and DEMONcrats clamor again for offshore drilling. I keep telling him Sarah Palin will run on the Republican ticket next presidential election time, and he winces. Maybe he’s got some chance of salvation. Before Sarah came along, he blindly defended all Republicans, even Mark Foley, while going back to the past to beat up some more on Bill Clinton over Monica, and making Nancy Pelosi and Obama out to be bigger devils than the President Bushes.

    I hate what is this oil slick is doing to God’s creatures, and I dread it coming ashore. I suppose the worst place for it to land fall would be the Florida Keys, because of all the many islands that would be wrapped up in it, probably making it much more difficult to deal with, given all the shallow water and hard to get to areas where a lot of the petroleum could come to rest.

    I told the RepubliKLAN the US is doomed if it doesn’t develop a non-oil form of energy for all of its needs. I also told him, since he loves beating up Islam, that Arab oil-producing countries don’t care an twit about the US, other than getting US dollars for their oil, and us propping up their governments with our military. I said but for oil, we would have zip interest in the Middle East.

    I dunno. I hope I’m not still on this planet when all of this really comes home to roost. Maybe Mother Nature is getting close to her the end of the patience. Maybe she will throw up and the ensuing earthquakes and tsunamis and volcanic explosions will solve her problem – humans.

    I got sort of wound up here, didn’t I?


  8. yankeegal65 says:

    Not as wound up as I am……….I’m heartbroken over the loss of nature, marine life, …this is a major disaster for all , I signed up to help with the wildlife when the oil hits the gulf shores, suppose to come ashore Monday………………….I HATE BP……….. I think BP should pay workers to do this instead of volunteers…………..this is going to be the biggest devestation effecting everyone, everywhere……….your right on the Mother nature senario……………..she’s tired of being abused …..

  9. Sloan says:

    I can’t lay all the blame on BP. I have to go back to who let them drill out there, and who didn’t finally say, okay, no more offshore oil drilling on my watch – President Obama, the Gulf coast state governors. And, alas, I am even more convinced now that this was done by angels, which expands the matter exponentially, or perhaps infinitely is more accurate.

  10. yankeegal65 says:

    What do you think now? I do lay all the blame on BP, BUSH, OBAMA, EPA, we should have never drilled in the first place, America needs to find other ways to live without destroying everything in it’s path….

    All I can do is watch the suffering of the sea and everything that lives in it, the birds and turtles and dolphins, fish, ……everything………the sea is blood red like the red sea in the bible, the truth is we are doomed, know for sure will not be here in 30 years but the oil in the ocean and beaches will…. we need to impeach the President, he was on watch……….he let us down along with the others, Bush, BP,ect…………………………why are people not allowed to clean up the oil …………………get rid of BP…………if the seabed explodes……………………so be it…..we are doomed anyway………………..sloan, hope you gared is growing, I lost interest in my patio herbs, Sheila.

  11. Sloan says:

    I just noticed your comment again, and it doesn’t seem I responded, toad of me, must have gotten distracted by something unimportant. Well, finally I respond, if I didn’t already. Not a Yankee fellow, me.

  12. jefinnerallcan says:

    Im a huge fan of your writing. signed up just to tell you so… Also, I have a few questions… Is there a way to write you privately?

  13. Conchfan says:

    If you just listened to the 104.1 interview with Andy Griffiths, he really insulted the rest of the board. He said they did nothing about hiring a new superintendent, he had to call his contact, etc, etc.
    If this is true, why are the citizins paying his bill? Shouldnt this $6,600 bill go to Andy?

  14. Sloan says:

    Thanks for writing. That would be poetic justice.

    Andy pushed to bring in a superintendent head hunter firm from Tallahassee, but I’m pretty sure he got the school board’s majority approval to do it. Therefore, the cost should be paid by the school board. I am still in the dark on whether the head hunter firm produced Mark Porter as an applicant.

    Andy has made a great to do about this, perhaps because he’s up for reelection against a serious opponent, Yvette Mira-Talbott – perhaps the first time that ever happened to Andy.

    I got the impression from several conversations with Todd German, Chairman of Hometown! PAC, who speaks frequently with Andy, that Andy was teetering all along between keeping Jesus Jara and hiring somone new. Todd said he told Andy, if he voted to keep Jara, that would ensure he did not get reelected.

    At the school board meeting at Marathon High School, where the superintendent candidates were pubicly vetted, after the board made Mark Porter their first choice, Andy told Todd and me he could not get past Dr. Ed Shine being superintendent in a mostly white Rye, New York school district, where $21,000 a year was spent on each student. Todd and I looked at Andy in disbelief. I told Andy I was going to publish that remark.

    After Andy wandered away, Todd said that was Andy’s way of trying to justify voting for Jara as his number 2 choice. Andy voted for Dr. Shine as his number 2 choice. But for Todd and I jumping him, Andy probably would have voted for Jara as his number 2 choice, and that would have given Jara a 3-2 majority.

    John Dick and Duncan Matthewson made Jara their #2 choice. Dick had voted for Jara as his number 1 choice, but the other four board members had made Porter their number 1 choice.

    If Jara had been voted number 2, the games could have begun. The board could have negotiated hard with Porter, to the point he gave up, then the board could have kept Jara.

    You don’t hear Andy tell all of the story when he boasts that all by himself he got us a new superintendent.

    I wonder if Bill Becker will give Andy’s Dist. 2 school board opponents equal time on US 1 Radio?

  15. Conchfan says:

    I thought our new superintendent was smart, he is running around with the only school board member in a race for his job. It doesnt take a PHD to realize when your being used. He should have more integrity and insist one of the other board members take him around. Shame on you Mr. Porter, your off to a terrible start.

  16. Jabe says:

    Good Morning Sloan,
    I’ve been away for the buggy months. I just returned from a boat ride up the Lek, Rhine, Main, and Danube rivers and canals. A short weather report: it was rainy fall in the Nederlands, rainy summer in Germany, spring in Austria and summer in Slovakia and Hungary. I’m a self-enrolled student of culture whereever I go. The ancient cities, castles, and cathedrals of Europe reminded me of the Keys. They all had a history to preserve and to tell with their own bias to the throngs of tourists that feed them their daily bread. Outside of the ancient cities were new cities that are no different from our cities, perhaps a bit newer than, say, Detroit, Baltimore and Cleveland. The countries of Nederlands, Germany, and Austria are to my limited policing much cleaner than our own. In areas where grafitti is nascent, whole walls were given to its artful development rather than to territory marking. Slovakia and Hungary have their own ancient tales and castles but the shine is just beginning to appear through the drab of communism past. Inflation has gripped these latter two countries and insodoing will indeterminately delay the obsolescence of the drab communist style apartment buildings. What was very interesting to me is that both Slovakia and Hungary have very little unemployment. It is said that if you don’t have a job in Hungary then you are a tourist. We decry the loss of US Steel in Pittsburgh and other American cities yet it is thriving in Budapest supplying steel for Skoda, VW, Audi, Mercedes, BMW and other European auto manufacturers building in that city. It just underlines the fact that all business exists only in the margins and any increase in expense just erodes the margins, leading to the demise of the business in its current environment. What the hell has this to do with the Keys?! Well, everything. The life in the Keys for humans also exists only in the margins. A misguided development here or there and the reefs are threatened. A bridge damaging collision and the entire economy or even life itself is threatened. A simple high tide and many home values are ruined. The Keys are fragile and life in the Keys is tenuous, no matter how beautiful or lovely we see it. We, in the numbers that are there now, couldn’t live there without US1, just as we couldn’t live on the moon without a earth to moon shuttle. Last year I went to Denali, McKinley, Anchorage, Juneau, Skagway, Ketchikan. The scenery was beautiful, breath-taking, awe-inspiring, and dangerous. Without the supply line from the lower 48 virtually no one could live there – I mean – folks in numbers and from cultures and locales more temperate. Everyone I met in Alaska was intending on leaving for the winter. Several even leaving for the Keys.

    What’s this leading to? Well Sloan, you’re not an interloper any more than any one else. We all are just passing through whereever we are. You must know by now that your role in the Keys is to keep it from sinking under by the thoughtless, or politically avaricial, or stupid, or bubba acts of politicians, the No Namers, the developers, and the mainland government.

    OBTW, In Germany I met a pair of Brits now interloping in Australia mascarading as Aussies with whom I played a giant chess game. By giant I mean one would need an assistant to move the pieces. They doubled teamed me. My assistant would tell me what a bad move it was after I made it. You might guess that the game ended with my king interloping around the board by himself. The moral I took away from that experience is that there no one more important in life than a powerful queen. I hope you find one.

    See you in Coco’s


  17. Sloan says:

    Please say more – thanks

  18. Sloan says:

    Thanks, Jabe. Look forward to seeing you at Coco’s. I put yours and this “reply” in the post today.


    That’s quite a missive.

    The buggy months are over?

    A powerful queen is really important in many ways, including the female human companion way.

    It’s been seven years since I had a female human companion.

    The road I travel has proven very rough on women companions, and yet I wonder off and on if there is another one for me in this life? No way to know. Such things are not predicable.

    I recall again a rough experience I had one night in June 1998. I was having a hell of a time physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, mostly in my sleep. It was volatile, violent. Finally, a voice said something like, “Your soul is designed for you to have a female companion and your soul is being altered so you can be with our without a female companion.”

    I experienced many soul surgeries during the rest of that year, and the year following. It was quite a ride. I was with a powerful woman during that time. Then, another one came along, and we were together a little over a year. Then another one came along, and we were together off and on for four years. That was the last one.

    Most of the time since 2000, though, I was a monk. I guess the angels saw it coming. I guess they saw the volatile upheavals the women and I would experience and that I very much would need to be able to walk away, or let them walk away, without my going into a deep ravine from which I might not climb out for years, like had happened a few times before the soul surgery.

    It would take a really unusual woman to want to spend much time with me, and for me to want to spend much time with her. It would take some other things for it to work. Sufficient money. And a bit easier physical time of it for me. Maybe Jabe is a herald. Maybe she is coming my way. Time will tell.

    I appreciate Jabe’s other comments about me, as well. My sense all along has been I was sent to the Keys in late 2000 because it was known by the angels that I was bonded with the islands and the ocean since I was 14, and that I would be comfortable trying to represent Mother Nature.

    Sacred are these islands. Maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible if a big hurricane knocked out some of the bridges, a few come to mind. How else can what has happened to the Keys and the ocean and reef be turned around?

    Meanwhile, maybe the powerful queen is the Holy Spirit, who has to put up with me. Pray for Her. She made an appearance in my conversations with the gun god worshiper at, mentioned at the top of this post today.

    Further meanwhile, female comic relief forwarded from a fellow I know in Birmingham.


    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, ‘What setting do I use on the washing machine?’

    ‘It depends,’ I replied. ‘What does it say on your shirt?’

    He yelled back, ‘Liverpool ‘

    And they say blondes are dumb…


    A couple are lying in bed. The man says,

    ‘I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.’

    The woman replies, ‘I’ll miss you…’


    ‘It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,’ Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, ‘honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?’

    ‘Probably that I married you for your money,’ she replied.


    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

    A: A rumour


    A man and his wife, now in their 60?s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

    The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

    Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger…

    Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!!


    Dear Lord,

    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.


    Q: Why do little boys whine?

    A: They are practising to be men.


    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

    A: Trustworthy.


    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

    A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.


    Q: How do you keep your man from reading your e-mail?

    A: Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manuals’

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