gravity and justice for all … lower Florida Keys shitgrinder rebellion

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 pelican pooping

Aw shit …
This all falls on mechanically retarded me
to try to explain why it it a terrible idea
to use shit grinder pumps in the Cudjoe sewer district
anywhere gravity sewer systems can be used.

Aw shit,
I don’t see no way to pass Arnaud and Naja’s
blue monster forensic muster
but perhaps they will cut me some slack
and just let me tell what I have to tell
and leave for other bawds, er bards,
to tear it up, fix it, or make it worse.

Aw shit,
since I be a poet by inclination,
but once a lawyer by trade,
perhaps I should start at the end
and work back to the start
of a four week crash course in shit management.

Aw shit,
perhaps I start with Wednesday’s
Florida Keys Aqueduct Authority’s waterboard agenda
at FKAA’s offices on J.F. Kennedy R.I.P. Drive Key West.

Aw shit,
Cudjoe shit management not on the waterboard agenda,
but Governor Scott’s magnificent five waterboard directors don’t care,
graciously offer they circa 20 aggrieved shit petitioners
traveled many shit-grinding leagues to seek
“Gravity and justice for all!”
time to speak.

Aw shit,
waterboard leader Bob the Dean says
all along FKAA wanted gravity and justice for all,
let us hear what you good grinder shit foes have to say!

Aw shit,
the good grinder shit foes say,
gravity is free energy,
grinders need ‘lectricity.

Aw shit,
no ‘lectricity,
no grinder shit moves.

Aw shit,
gravity lines run deep,
pumping stations move the shit along
to the night soil manufacturing plant.

Aw shit,
when gravity lines spring leaks,
Mother Nature’s greater salt water pressure
keeps the shit in the lines,
gravity leaks are easy to find,
dig down to and fix.

Aw shit,
grinder shit lines buried shallow
spring leaks not to be be found,
their shit goes into Mother Nature’s ground,
then into her water table,
then into her sea.

Aw shit, the whole point of sewering the Florida Keys
was to get rid of septic and cess,
not to replace them with grinder shit.

Aw shit,
a big sandy typhoon
covered a New Jersey subdivision
with grinder shit
inside the houses, too!

Aw shit,
gravity don’t break,
its lines and pumps easy to fix.

Aw shit,
grinders wear out pretty damn quick,
have to be fixed,
or thrown away and replaced.

Aw shit,
grinders have to run all the time,
let them sleep a while,
they don’t wake up,
snowbirds’ delight!

Aw shit,
the provincial governors keep blaming,
the waterboard told us to use grinders,
we don’t know about shit,
that’s their domain.

Aw shit,
Bob the Dean says,
I don’t like hearing that,
we told the governors we wanted gravity,
they told us to do it cheap instead.

Aw shit,
I tell Bob the Dean,
I’m dang glad to hear you say that!
I been on fast learning curve
since selling me place on Little the Torch last August,
don’t got no dog in this here fight.

Aw shit, I say,
looks to me grinders are a really bad idea,
I know them governors,
campaigned for some of them,
campaigned against some of them,
I like them,
but they done messed in in their pants,
got my dander up.

Aw shit, I say,
I hope you the waterboard will do two things:
Uno, order all work stopped on grinder pump systems;
duo, tell the five provincial governors
they are where all this shit falls,
we the waterboard want gravity wherever gravity will rock,
and we will install gravity
soon as the five governors agree to pay for it,
but we the waterboard aint’ having nuttin’
to do with no bad shit sewer system
that will ruin our reputation
en put us and the good people we serve
in the poor house under deep shit –
build your own outhouses,
if you don’t want it done right!

Aw shit, I say,
you the waterboard have the power to do this,
and the responsibility,
because you know gravity is better in the Keys
than grinder pumps.

Aw shit, I say,
you the waterboard were all appointed by Governor the Scott,
who wants you to see to it
the money he and the Florida Parliament gave to the Keys,
and the money the provincial governors are raising locally to sewer the Keys,
is used get rid of the septic systems and cess pits,
not replace them with something just as shitty.

Aw shit, maybe thinks the waterboard,
this crazy ass lunatic is making sense …

Aw shit,
the crazy ass lunatic says,
you the waterboard do not have the manpower
to take care of lots of grinder pumps in a Hurricane Wilma event
with the power out
a tidal surge
shit all over the ground.

Aw shit,
the crazy ass lunatic says,
you the waterboard have the manpower to take care
gravity in a Wilma event.

Aw shit,
the crazy ass lunatic says,
I know all five provincial governors pretty well,
and they know me pretty well,
I campaigned for some of them
and campaigned against some of them,
I like them, but they have not done this shit right,
they wanted grinder pumps
because they had other things they
wanted to spend their tax money on.

Aw shit,
the crazy ass lunatic says,
you the waterboard are the only people
who can get this shit done right.

Aw shit,
the waterboard maybe thinking,
if we don’t get this shit done right,
then maybe we will end up covered with it!

Aw shit,
the crazy ass lunatic says,
just this morning in the Key West Citizen
an article about Key Largo shit management
using grinder pumps in outlying areas,
but closer in using something else – gravity?
No, Bob the Dean says.
Yes, Bob the Dean says.
The second lesser of evil, gravity is best
the crazy lunatic says
and sayeth no more.

Aw shit,
Bob The Dean invites Kevin the Wilson
provincial engineer responsible for Cudjoe shit
to speak.

Aw shit,
only provincial employee there
Kevin the Wilson in a nutshell says
he recommended shit grinders to the five governors
because they work just fine and and are cheaper to install,
unconscionable to hold the governors
to only spending the sales tax on sewers
when there are other things the governors want to buy.

Aw shit,
Bob the Dean says,
we the waterboard want gravity
and will install it if the provincial governors come up with the money –
(meaning, we the waterboard do not want shit grinders
and that shit’s the provincial governors’ to shovel.)

Aw shit, governors,
quit acting like crazy ass lunatics –
gravity and justice for all!!!

No shit,
after writing all of that
down in plain English prose,
I got hammered in a nap dream
because I had not done it in verse.

Aw shit,
some poetic license ensued.

Sloan with troll

Sloan Bashinsky

Aw shit,

this slid in later last night:

Hi, “FU Daily” presents the entire meeting in video for your viewing pleasure if you were not able to make the highly inconvenient time of 11:00 am this Wednesday morning.  If you don’t have time to watch the full half hour, please focus on the final 10 minutes in which the “old guy” from County tells us serfs how it’s gonna be whether we like it or not.  I wonder if his position is an elected one?  If so, please feel free to share this link with friends and neighbors who may wish to make their voices heard at the polls.  “Hey, you never know.”

Aw shit,
Kevin the Wilson just a hired hand,
he work for the five provincial governors
who be elected officials.

Aw shit,
here be today’s Key West Citizen version:

Protesters attend FKAA meeting


The Florida Keys Aqueduct Authority board will expand the use of gravity sewer collection systems if Monroe County gives the water and sewer utility more money for the Cudjoe Regional Wastewater Treatment System.

On Wednesday, Aqueduct Authority board Chairman Bob Dean told a group of angry protesters that his agency supports using gravity technology, but the county has not allocated enough money to the project to expand its use versus grinder pumps.

The lack of funding is why the Aqueduct Authority has designed a hybrid system that uses both gravity technology and the lesser desirable low-pressure systems, which require the grinder pumps.

Those pumps, which the protesters claim will fail during major storms and hurricanes, are to be placed in residents’ yards.

“This company supports gravity systems, and if the county gives us the money, we will do it,” Dean said at Wednesday’s Aqueduct Authority board meeting.

The protesters, mostly from Big Pine Key, held signs and spoke about how low-pressure systems and grinder pumps are not suitable for the Keys. The signs stated “Gravity and Justice For All” and “Dump the Pump.”

The protesters argued that gravity may be more expensive upfront, but will be cheaper in the long term, as low-pressure systems and grinder pumps require a lot of maintenance.

“The (grinder) pumps break,” Big Pine Key resident Cate Loughran said. “They only have a life of 10 years. They are sludge. They are the bottom of the barrel.”

Loughran accused the county and the Aqueduct Authority of playing one off the other.

“It goes back and fourth,” Loughran said. “Each agency blames the other. I feel like I am in a rat maze that has no conclusion.”

County Project Development Division Director Kevin Wilson attended Wednesday’s meeting and defended the county proposing grinder pumps and low-pressure systems for the $150 million Cudjoe Regional System.

“It (Cudjoe regional) has a robust design that will work,” Wilson told the Aqueduct Authority board. “The life cycle cost over time is the optimal solution.”

Wilson also responded to residents’ criticism that Keys voters passed a referendum extending a 1-cent sales tax on the understanding that all the money would be used for wastewater projects. Wilson contended the county told voters that not all of the money would go to those projects.

The county commission is scheduled to discuss the issue at a special meeting on Jan. 31.

Aw shit, there be a different post


click on that link today,

on this link any time:

Key West City Commission’s top choice for new homeless shelter location, long time coming, long ways to go


About Sloan

That's what this website is about, also and If you can't get a publisher to take on your wacky musing, you do it yourself.
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